The Lord's Evaluation of Mother's

There was a great talk in my church this afternoon regarding the Lord's expectations on mothering.

I didn't catch the article or scripture but he made the claim that the main thing the Lord looks for is that we are actively "Nurturing" our children. Nurturing is our main goal, or primary role, and our primary standard.

I found peace in this concept. In further reflection, many of the things I do could fit under nurturing-type behaviors.

With this as the new criteria, I think I may be able to live up to the expectation.

Mother's Day Personal Evaluation

While mother's day is a time to celebrate moms. I think it's a great time for self-reflection on my own strength's and percieved weaknesses of my mothering talents.

Strengths:
* I let my children drink from my cup and don't worry about back-wash
* I take time to play with my children on their level
* I do individual time with each of my children, even if it's only putting them to bed
* I work a full-time job to keep us a-float
* I don't put them in daycare or preschool and let them be kids with a grandma
* I read to my children every night
* I pray with my children daily (or most days)
* I say please when I ask them to do things
* If they get thirsty, I get them a drink (and don't say "swallow your spit!")
* I share things that are mine: my computer, my sweet treats, my drinks, my beliefs, and my time

Weaknesses:
* I let my son watch too much wii
* I feel overwhelmed when my son cries and whines
* I hate changing diapers (who likes this! Seriously?)
* I have to work to stay sane
* I don't do family home evening
* (All of the above could be manipulated into weaknesses, but I'm not going to because I like that I do those things.)

Overall, I'd have to say that I'm a pretty good mom. This year, I passed the Mom evaluation!

In the upcoming weeks, I'd like to work on how to desensitize myself from my son's relentless (at-times) whines. So, instead of feeling stressed, I'm going to breathe and have him go to time-out.

To do your own evaluation, simply think of all of the things that you like that you do for your children and list them as strengths. For the weakness, think of all the things you don't like that you do for your children. Pick one thing on the list and make a goal to start to make small behavioral changes.

Behavior Modification: Low-Cost Reinforcers

I worked in our latency aged group home today and was reminded of a very simple, yet some how easily forgotten concept:

Reinforcers MUST by defination be reinforcing to the person involved.

If you're trying to motivate any child, youth, or even yourself, the reinforcer (or award) must be something that is enticing enough to make you want to change. The reinforcer must also be frequent enough for the child's developmental level or the difficulty of the task.

Free Reinforcers that worked for my non-compliant youth today included:

*High-five's

*Playing a Board game after positive behavior

*Being read to

*Watering the plants

The youth teeter-tottered all day but he had a slightly better day today, then yesterday!

Progress, regardless how small must be celebrated!!

Relaxation idea for Children

Sometimes children having a hard time getting to sleep or calming down can be the most challenging aspect of parenting (at least for me!).

One thing we have done with my son is turn relaxation into a game.

We start out in the living room. If it is night time, all the lights are off and he would sit on my lap in the lazy boy. I would use a very soft voice and say, "Can you hear what I hear?" and then he would say what he could hear. Fortunately for us, we live in a very noisy area. He would name the obvious things like a train or airplane or cars passing. I would then name something softer like the refrigerator. I would wait several minutes before asking him what else he could hear.

When we ran out of things to listen for in the living room, we would move to his bedroom. I would sit on the floor and he would lie in bed. I would say what I heard and wait for his reply.

This activity would take between 20-25 minutes and usually happened after we read books and our son would get out of bed to complain of being scared, hungry, thirsty, etc.

I have never tried this when our son was mad or noncompliant, however I assume it may work as a de-escalation technique for a child.

"Santa's Watching"

So, uhh "Santa's Watching" doesn't work after Santa already came!

I don't believe that Santa was an effective threat in the first case. Eli is way too smart, he knew Santa wouldn't take his toys back.

What consequences work for you?

We did use the threat that if he didn't follow instructions he wouldn't be able to play his new Lego Batman tomorrow. This one worked, but I don't know how long it will work!